Hi!  It’s me!  The creator!

So today marks the wrapping up of one of the most difficult storylines I’ve had to write since I started Lily more than four months ago.  I have had this storyline planned for several weeks, and was actually looking forward to writing it.  I really wanted to write the scene where Lily had her first kiss, and some of the PG13 scenes were fun to write too.  I had to actively top myself from going overboard with that, and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.  The Patreon solution isn’t the best one, but it works for now.

I kinda messed up, though.  I didn’t plan on how difficult it would be to write her heartbreak.

A funny thing happens when you’re an author.  I mean a true author.  The characters start to take on a life of their own, and they start to take on their own identity, separate from me.  They start to assert their own wishes and wills, and it becomes a complex interplay between what you want for them and what they want for themselves.  Sometimes their ideas are good, and sometimes you kind of have to force the issue.  But at no point are you truly in control of your characters.

And when I started to write this storyline, it became real to me.  Lily was on a plane travelling to Orlando.  Lily was at a hotel.  Lily was at Disney World.  There were times when I would think to myself “Oh, Lily would be on the plane right now” or “Lily would be landing” or she would be experiencing a scene that I’d already written.  I was so excited for her.  Even though I was animating her and giving her life, I was taking the trip along with her, and she was sooo happy and excited.

And I got to follow along with her emotionally, as she slowly fell in love with Jack.  I was not originally planning to write the last premium scene, where (spoiler) she came out in her swimsuit and got a little frisky with him.  She wanted that.  Frankly, she really wanted to jump him, and that was the compromise I had to come up with to keep everyone happy.

I was sharing in her joy, I was sharing in her emotions, I was sharing in her love.  But… I also shared in her heartbreak.  And it kind of broke me, at the same time it broke her.  There were several times in writing today’s post where I actually kind of broke down, myself.  I couldn’t bear what I was putting her through.  It hurt me as much as she was hurting.

I did it anyway.  It was necessary for the story.  But I didn’t take any joy in it at all.  I didn’t want to put her through it.  I didn’t want to go through it.

Another storyline is coming up that will be just as bad, in a different way.  I am going to put her through something that is going to thoroughly devastate her.  I’m not looking forward to writing it.  But I need to, in order to progress the story.  She’ll come out alright, and stronger, but it’s not going to be a fun time, for a while.

And I feel horrible about it.

I’m sorry, Lily.  I’m truly sorry.